Habit

Habit, once changed, is extremely hard to change back.
So I'm transferring my blog to http://blog.sina.com.cn/yewufeiyang the one I started when I was in China this summer.
Just for your reference.

Japanese Airport--random

三个月前，也是在这里，要飞回北京。这次，回美国。刚坐了jl的早上8点多的 飞机来，真是害得我5点就起来了只睡了3个小时，而且在东京机场的等候时间竟然竟然有5小时之久，不过我还是很兴奋！觉得日本机场这个免费的yahoo cafe真是造福人类的事情！我终于有些时间写blog了。

也许人要习惯一些东西并不需要花太多时间的。我三个月前第一次用这里 的电脑的时候，完全搞不清楚它的键盘，我那篇japanese airport的日志里面的标点符号等问题也是让我头痛得不行。不过这次用起来似乎就是轻车熟路了。就好像这几个月来一直在跟日本键盘亲密接触一样。。。 而其实我只是每天对着普华永道给实习生的比较古老的IBM，每次登MSN都登不上去的。

有个可爱的妹妹刚去美国跟我说适应不了美 国大学生的chatting，虽然听lecture完全没有问题。我太了解了，几年前我也是这样过来的。一点点学会用awesome，一点点学会听到 sports girls随口说出F word不要感到惊讶，一点点学会在看到美国人一个大保险箱的make-up的时候要从容的从旁边迈过去熟视无睹一般。。。她说他们说的那么多 singer, movie star我真是搞不明白。我笑，对啊，我们的确搞不明白。可是这有什么关系呢？我们这辈子的头17，8年在中国度过的，we know way more than they do in many other fields ，we recognize the cultural differences, and it's not always necessary to adjust to the way they are. And they are not expecting us to adjust and to understand everything, because they accomondate the differences too. That's the most intriguing but also the most exciting part of the American culture. Within this culture, we should be proud that we're foreign.

三 个月前的自己是留着从齐耳短发长了一年长长了的完全没有层次感的头发去旅游，去实习的。我很喜欢北京，真得很喜欢北京，除了污染跟堵车。相比之下，我对沈 阳几乎是没有什么概念的，我对沈阳的概念只是北陵公园，南十马路，和东北育才。那是家，学校六年两点一线的生活，却成就了我对中学母校深深的迷恋。有些人 把育才比喻成监狱，出来上操是放风。但是我依然觉得那是我最快乐的一段时光。也许是因为那时候可以肆无忌惮的为篮球比赛中的男孩子们高喊加油，也许是因为 那时候学校某些领导各种各样的经典语言每每都让我们憋笑都憋不住，或者也许，只是因为我还是个孩子，我们还都是孩子。

回沈阳终于 有时间把自己的头发剪了一下，弄卷了。我终究还是喜欢自己卷发的模样，也许是因为我胖了。又了解到有很多高中同学出国了，他们看着我MSN上的照片，说是 完全认不出来的样子。我现在还常常拿起我ID 用的高三时候的照片向别人骄傲的宣称：快来看帅哥哦！育才的女生也许是中学的时候压抑久了吧，到了大学都蓄起了长发。这样挺好。我中学的时候基本就是个男 孩，比男孩稍微细腻多愁善感一点而已，现在才算是个女生了，生理上，心理上。我觉得也挺好。人要学会给自己定位，才能好好发挥自己的优势。

这 个周日发生了很多事情，一连串的发生，很快，有些难以置信，但是并没有措手不及，因为毕竟是比较开心的一面。也许一个人要离开一个自己有很多回忆的城市的 时候总是感慨良多的吧。可是我觉得这次离开很轻松，没有任何感伤。我在凌晨时分给朋友们发告别短信的时候也是如此平静的。也许我觉得自己已经期待了好久这 个最后一年了，这个我真的需要去争取些什么，去改变些什么的一年了。就仿佛我高二到高三所经历的那一年一样，只是这次，更多的，几乎全部的，要靠自己。我 现在庆幸的是：我还是个有勇气的人。我从来都是个有勇气的人。我的拳头很小，所以心脏很小，但是她一直很努力的跳动，她很坚强。

我 很开心能遇见陪陪，阿晨，阿风，阿飞，阿暴，小佛，一杨，更开心能再次跟君，阿婷，小敏，一风，雯雯，小磊，丁丁，和尚，合时相聚。。。说实在的，不知道 下一次回国是什么时候，取决于我的工作地点了。不过如果下一次回国再途经日本，我知道我还会来这家internet cafe的。这是一个让我有万千思绪的地方，仿佛连接了过于跟未来，现实与憧憬。。。

也许从陌生到熟悉，只要0.2秒。

Hey, Let's ROCK Senior Year

--In memory of the very first start of my senior year

I have been speechless along the way from Boston to New Haven. It was not only because who's driving. I felt that I was having the worst time of my life, though the Boston people treated me soooooooo nicely, and I behaved as if I were at my own home. What more could I expect?

But the fact that I lost one of my luggage pissed me off and I was like thrown to the deepest abyss. What kind of luggage is that? It is obviously filled with my FAVORITE clothes! All the best stuff I just bought and didn't even wear yet, but I was putting them together in this particular suitcase with the intention that I could wear them immediately after I get back to the States, to make it balance out the new look of my hair and my new watch, etc. But all gone.

I couldn't blame myself more. I have dragged that carry-on suitcase from Beijing to Tokyo, Tokyo to Chicago, all the way through, but then I stupidly shipped it with the other two tagged suitcases when I went through the custom in Chicago. I was even thrilled about it because I could then ship three instead of just two. But later when I didn't see my carry-on luggage at all in Boston, I realized that the suitcase was NEVER shipped to Boston, because there's no tag or any name on it, so nobody knows which flight it should be on.........A blink of stupidness. A blink of laziness. Too much to bear. But so what?

It is, after all, just a suitcase of dazzling beautiful stylish clothes. I am nothing more than who I am with those clothes. I am nothing less than who I am without those clothes. I have had too many good starts for a new semester, but some of them ended in a disaster. I had always been too ambitious at the beginning, and had to drag myself towards different directions to meet all my own various kinds of interests as well as the interests of others, but some of the efforts ended up clueless and fruitless. I don't need dazzling clothes or a dazzling new beginning to make myself feel good about myself, just like I don't need another guy to tell me that I look fine.

It was not until the car reached Exit 3 for Yale University, after 2.5 hours drive, that I finally realized how excited I were to get back on campus again. It was not like arriving home. Home is a more comfortable, relaxing, and cozy notion. Yale is not home for me. Maybe years later when I come back for reunions, it will feel like Home. But not at this point, not this year, not yet. It is more of a battle field for me, the notion is also intimate, but the degree of closeness transcends "home" in a certain way. It is intense, I couldn't even close my eyes when I think about it. But it is also inspiring.

I can't believe it's my senior year now! I can't believe the years go by so quickly, as if just with a blink, as if last second I was still doing orientation learning how to use condom for the very first time! (I'm serious about it...)...But it's here, the last year is here. It is not the right time to panic, to freak out, or to show any sign of scare. It's THE time to FIGHT. Remember what's in Full House? Could you please learn SOMETHING (something at all) from Korean drama? Ajia Ajia fighting! What are you waiting for?!

Make good schedule, make good plans, plan for yourself and your own future. Right? Remember what dad told you about what's bothering you, the three points? And what kind of work should you be looking at, to take advantage of your specialties? Also three points? Remember the Big three on your A list, and remember to go to bed and get up at a reasonable time?

I recently bought "It's All Natural" by Natural in China, it was original, and it was cheap. The songs are old. But they're sooooooooo good. I couldn't stop listening to them. I couldn't stop planning and couldn't stop working hard. I couldn't stop smiling to myself that I am happy to be senior, finally. There's party music outside in the Pierson courtyard. There's ALWAYS party music and people chattering here and there. They're not bothering me at all. I have been a dreamer, too much a dreamer. Now I should finally become an executive, for myself.

Hey, let's ROCK senior year.

I could. I will.